Have you seen the skin tone of a lonely friend who is holding onto that love in their heart waiting for Mr of Miss Right to turn up? When we get enthusiastic to find the right person in order to feel the falling in love experience we start to sabotage our chances of finding a relationship.
The longer a person stays single, the more hopeful they become that the right person will arrive. But then, in their enthusiasm to find a partner, they are often automatically sabotaging the process.
The best way to find a perfect partner is to be in love before we meet one. Consider that an in-love person is more attractive than a “wanting to fall in-love person. They are in-love before they meet Mr or Mrs Right.
A single person, like a couple, needs to fall in love over and over and over again with as many people as possible, and instead of screening out people.
That means finding a way to connect at a love level without the unconscious link to automatically transfer that to the physical level.
That Pavlovian link between falling in love (ding ding the bell goes off) and getting physically aroused, needs to be broken so that we can feel liberated to feel in-love with lots of people, as many as a hundred each day, without feeling like we need to even speak about it, let alone run off to bed with them.
Some single people feel that they can only fall in love after they have screened out those suitable for a relationship. But then, the very act of thinking, and judging people will become the blockage to finding love. Screening, in itself is a heart closing, head magnifying, repelling energy.
A person who is looking for love, wanting a relationship but screening out the unsuitable people, is actually sabotaging their desires. The whole idea is ridiculous. Like those dating games and events. Nobody presents their private reality. It’s much more healthy to fall in love a hundred times a day, and be happy with that because just that energy alone will attract the right people.
If we wait for a relationship in order to fall in love, we forget to fall in love every day with life itself. Then, the generosity can get lost and people shoot themselves in the foot, they become unattractive because they are waiting for a great relationship in order to be in love. That’s like waiting for a coconut to drop from a tree in order to feel satisfied.
Prolonged singledom is not, as people would have you think, the result of a lack of available partners. It is an over dependence on a relationship in order to feel the experience of falling in love. When that happens, their head takes over and that’s so repelling.
When I started meditation training I thought it was to become all spiritual and enlightened but I was wrong. For me, the real great gift of meditation has been that I can turn up, fall in-love, anytime I choose. That’s what enlightenment means, really, it means falling in love, anytime, anywhere, with anyone, totally connected.
When we fall in love, the whole mechanism of the ego stops. We have touch our inner being, our centre, and we feel we are at the source of truth, love. A Bliss fills us and suddenly we are not the same person we were, and it hits us deeply. That is why love transforms so much of life. If we are able to be in love we cannot hide, it is impossible. That’s why people, who are in-love are so attractive. It’s a glow we get in our eyes, our smile and skin tone.
When a person is totally hooked on another person in order to be in love they fluctuate, their skin tone dies, they lose vitality. So, a single person must, just like a married person, be absolutely independent of a partner in order to experience and sustain this Soul-love connection. In other words, the best way to fall in-love with someone, is to fall in-love without them.
The in-love person is super attractive, no matter what their appearance in classical language, an in-love person is a welcome sight, a great feeling to be around, and their health glows too. That’s absolutely true if you visit a monastery, you can see these beautiful people in the most poor circumstances abosolely in-love with their faith, their practices, their statues, Nature or their guru. They don’t need lovers to make that energy shine and they are so, radiantly beautiful, even shaved and dressed in robes. It’s not sexual, it’s a spiritual experience – Falling in love.
Falling in-love can happen any time you choose it. Your mind ceases, it is quiet, calm, relaxed. No more wanting, nowhere to go. No stress. So, you can do this consciously, easy as pie. Just turn up.
Attractive energy is the energy that comes from falling in-love without a partner. Even, the bravest hero, the biggest business tycoon, the greatest athlete, a rock idol or movie star will be unattractive if they do not have this, “in-love” feeling about them.
Many people depend on a relationship for this “in-love” feeling and they often go mad or suicidal and some take drugs to simulate the feeling, but there’s no substitute for it. Being in-love can’t be faked, and depending on a partner for this experience is total and utter rubbish. No lover wants that level of disengagement from their partner, or not for long anyway.
Falling in-love without a partner is not rocket science, although some spiritual teachers try to make it so. It’s really simple: all you do is go into nature, as every great enlightened master has done, get humble, witness the beauty of it, and there it is.
How much more natural could it be? And that’s why it’s getting harder. People are getting so absorbed in wearing, protecting, defending, eating, cooking and carving up nature, they forget to go and just become one with it. Again, it’s putting head before heart.
I’m not suggesting we fall in-love and have sexual relationships with every person we meet, I’m clearly saying we need to break that link, for a healthy love life, we need to break the link between falling in-love and having to act on it. Even falling in-love with nature doesn’t mean you need to join “Greenpeace” or whoever they were.
If a Yoga class or hours of meditation does not result in more moments of falling in-love, then it’s a waste of time. Your body will be as flexible as a rubber hose if you find more “in-love” moments. Forcing your body to be flexible is an extreme act of egoism, if it is not associated with greater depths and moments of soul-love connection to life.
I take people into nature. People are different in nature. They’re definitely more creative, more generous, friendly, healthy, flexible and, more loving. Why? Because it’s easier to turn up in nature. When I talk about nature, I’m not meaning sitting next to a stinky swamp. I’m talking about the Magnificent Himalayas of Nepal, a vista that just makes your heart jump, and your eyes weep, a falling in-love experience in nature. Beauty does that automatically.
You can fall in-love a hundred times a day, easily. Don’t waste time looking for partners, or doing yoga to get the next perfect back bend, do things that open your heart to more beauty, more awesome moments, be inspired by life moments and then you will fall in-love all the time, you’ll be enlightened.
Western teachers of Eastern arts have made these words sound so monumental and separate from daily life. But a mother nursing a babe, a cleaner wiping a window and a cyclist pedaling up a steep hill can be enlightened as long as they turn up, and see the beauty in what they do.
I run corporate programs and people sit there waiting for me to make their job enjoyable. That’s the same as waiting for the “right” partner to turn-up in life. It’s a crappy, depressing and miserable road. So, I teach the corporate people to “evolve-ya-bastard” which in the nicest Aussie way means, “get over it” and find the love in it.
So, to become “un-single” or to stay, “un-divorced” fall in-love a hundred times a day, but not just with your partner or potential partner. Unhook your physical compatibility from your Soul-love compatibility and go make love to life itself. Waiting for sex is such a clumsy way to celebrate that most health giving, life affirming, depression killing, heart opening, youth sustaining, attractive energy of being in-love.
Finding and keeping a partner in a great loving relationship means falling in-love with life, your work, your partner, yourself, people you don’t know and nature. It’s really easy, just get out of your head, turn up and enjoy the moment.
In those sacred moments when you fall in love, you bypass all the other layers of the ego. You are not your body, although your body is involved; you are not your mind, although your mind sees and feels; you are not your heart, although your heart beats faster, opens and sheds tears and warmth; and you are not your spirit, although your spirit rises and you feel touched. When you fall in love, you are lost, naked, exposed. There is no “I ness”, there is nothing to compare because you are not in your mind or body. You fall into love because the body, the mind, and the heart have no reason. The ego is asleep, and you are living with authenticity.
Chris Walker – http://www.sacredlovethebook.com – Chris Walker helps people improve their relationships. He spends 3 months a year high in the Nepal Himalayas and the rest traveling the world sharing his insights, awareness and wisdom. He has written 8 books on human development. The rest of the time Walker spends writing about himself in the third person in footers. Blog Address http://www.realearthconsulting.com.
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